Poppy Steiner passed away at 6:10pm on Wednesday February 7, 2024.
That was the hardest sentence I’ve ever had to write.
She passed away peacefully here at home with the gentle help of a veterinarian from Compassionate Care. I was holding her the entire time and made sure that the last words she heard me say were “I love you to the end of all the multiverses and back. Thank you for being my friend.” The last glimpses I had of her were of the top of her head—the only part of her visible after the veterinarian had carefully swaddled her in a cozy blanket—as the veterinarian carried her away.
I’m having her cremated and I can go pick up her remains in a couple of weeks. They will try to do paw prints of her front paws (because shes’ polydactyl) but warned me that might be tricky, so I’m not going to count on having those. If they work out, they’ll be a beautiful gift. If they don’t, that’s okay.
This small room suddenly feels way too big and empty. It’s still a habit to look for her every time I come through the door. It’s still a habit to glance over at her every once in a while to make sure she’s okay. And every time I don’t see her I panic for a second and then remember. And then I cry. A lot.
My housemates (bipedal and quadruped) are being very patient and gentle with me. The humans have been giving me space but letting me know they’re there if I need them, making sure I eat something, caregiving as much as I’ll let them (I am spectacularly bad at this). The cats and the dog are all over me every time I leave my room. I can’t go anywhere outside of my room without at least one quadruped by my side the entire time.
And, of course, I’ve gotten all of your hugs and messages and vibes and I appreciate every single one of them. I’m not up to responding to each one individually yet but please know that I’m reading all of them. I also am tremendously grateful for those of you who helped cover the costs of Compassionate Care and my storage unit. Because of you, Poppy was able to cross the rainbow bridge comfortably and that means more to me than I can ever express, even with the help of GIFs and memes.
That’s it for now. I have no eloquent way to wrap up this post.
Our regularly scheduled programming will return…eventually. After all, it is an election year.