I’ve spent most of the last year(ish) working as a cog in a wheel and I have to say, it’s been pretty great. I’ve enjoyed having specific tasks that need to be done in a specific order and in specific ways. I’ve enjoyed the relative steadiness of the gig. I like that I don’t necessarily have to care about what I produce, I just have to follow the rules and viola! Paycheck! It has been a soothing balm on a world-weary soul.
And I’m more frustrated than I’ve ever been in my life. I miss writing. Not the writing I did for others, but the writing I’ve done for ME (and, yes, you). I miss writing about my stuff. I miss taking policy apart and exploring it and poking at it and telling you about what I’m learning. I miss shouting into the void about how fucked up everything is, and I really miss doing my part (however small it may be) to speak truth to power.
Okay, maybe that last sentence should be that I miss doing my part (however small it may be) to speak truth ABOUT power.
There are reasons I haven’t done this. The biggest is that I no longer live alone. I live in a roommate situation and my landlord/roommate highly values their privacy and does not want any of the ire that my writing may stir up to accidentally drift over on to them in any way, shape, or form. And, in this era of doxxing and malevolence, that’s legit. They have every right to stay off the radar, and I need to respect that.
And I’ll be honest: I’m afraid of the jerks out there, too. They aren’t content to just rage on social media anymore, y’know?
But I’ve never been a keep quiet-er. For better or for worse, I’ve been a should loud, make a spectacle of myself, and deal with whatever happens-er. I need to get back to that somehow. I hope that happens here because dammit, I want my name to be counted among the dissenters. But if it has to happen somewhere else and vaguely anonymously or pseudonymously, then that’s okay too.
I’m not sure what I’m going to do yet, but I wanted to post an update anyway.
Nolite te bastardes carborundorum, y’all.