I went to a tiny college. A really tiny college. It was great. I got all of the personal attention that I wanted or needed. I had personal connections with almost every professor I had. The campus was insulated and everybody knew everything about each other. It was tight knit. It was exactly where I needed to be when I was there (obviously while I was there I wanted to be anywhere else. I’m special like that).

It was not, however, a cake walk in an academic sense. A lot of people hear about the tiny-ness of my school and think that it must have been easy to get through the work. My programs, though–they were intense. I was a double major in Theater and English and it was not uncommon to be required to read entire plays (not usually a quick one-act or scene study but Lysistrata and Dr Faustus–stuff like that) and massive literary tomes in just a day or two.  We’d save time in a lot of our classes by having each person read a different work and then we’d talk about those works with each other (my typical class size was eight people. No joke). It is because of this structure and intensity that I can now walk into any literature section of any store or library and go “read it, read it, learned it, learned it, read it, read it, learned it, read it, read it…” you get the idea. There is so much knowledge from that stuff packed up into my brain that I usually don’t remember that I know it until I’m in the middle of a conversation and bust out some sort of “Oh that’s just like in Richard III where blah blah blahditty blah” without realizing what I’m saying until I’ve said it.

This probably makes me sound super snotty but stick with me.

Today I was talking with someone about reading habits and I made the joke that these days I chose my books based on the pastel color of the cover.  I could see him wince so I followed it up with “I have Theater and English major PTSD.”

This sounds like a lame excuse no matter how old you are when you say it, but when you’re in your 30s and college was over a decade ago… it makes you sound super lame. I know this, but I say it anyway because it usually gets a laugh.

I was thinking about this later when I was on my way home–the need I often feel to apologize for my current reading choices (mostly humor and chick lit) when I talk to people who don’t know me well. It’s like I have this need to say “no, really, I’m smart! I swear” without actually coming out and saying it (because just saying it like that is totally douchey).

I know that I can’t be the only one who does this. And I don’t know why my first instinct is to excuse away my choices as “I know it’s lame but it’s fun” instead of just owning it with more of a “hey, at least I still read!” approach.

The trend is the same for television–not so much in that I feel the need to defend my own viewing habits but for people who are fans of shows like the Real Housewives or any of the other reality stuff that’s out there. Personally, I prefer my television more blatantly scripted and with better production values, but people who do enjoy a daily dose of reality TV often say “I know it’s dumb but…” or “yeah I know I could do better but…”

Why do we do this? And why do people feel the need to qualify the stuff they like as “guilty” pleasures? Why can’t it just be a pleasure to read or watch or listen?

Further, why do we equate complicated with smart? Sometimes it isn’t smart, it’s just complicated…right?

Just questions.  Got thoughts?

Dear Blog Post Ideas,

Why do you have to be Big Ideas that must be Fleshed Out and why do you only start to show up when it’s 11:30 at night and I do not have time to give you the attention you deserve?

Could you please show up earlier in the day so that I can actually give you the time and attention you require to be turned into fully fledged and worthy of reading blog posts?

I know that at heart I’m a procrastinatrix but seriously, this is getting to be a problem.

Thanks!

–Me

P.S.  If you do happen to show up earlier in the day and I am in the middle of something and/or away from my computer could you please force me to write you down so I won’t keep getting mired in this same problem? Thanks!

First, my dear Internet, a question:  Is it passively aggressively funny or douchey to make a cross stitch that reads “A flushed toilet is a happy toilet!” and hang it in the bathroom as a gentle reminder to help my roommate remember to flush the toilet after he uses it?

To be fair: roommate is a super nice guy and if I were to simply ask him to please remember to flush the toilet he would absolutely do it but I think he’d be far more embarrassed about needing to be asked face to face than if a cute decorative hanging were to suddenly appear on the wall as a reminder.  And no,  I doubt that he would care that I’m talking about it on the Internet as most people who read this blog do not actually know him in real life so he’s still able to maintain some dignity and anonymity here.

Second, so I filled out an online dating profile a couple of weeks ago. One of the things it asks is “what do you do on a Friday night?”  I answered that if I hadn’t made any out of the house plans, I would more than likely be curled up on my couch in my pajamas, watching a movie or some television and making stuff with yarn.

So far most of the people who have responded to my profile do not believe that I would admit to such a “lame” Friday night activity and have decided that I’m kidding. This works kind of in my favor because hey, who doesn’t like to be thought of as funny?  At the same time… guess what I’m doing right this very Friday night?

PJs? Check

Couch? Check

Yarn? Check

Redbox movie? In the player and waiting to be played.

For a little while I really did try to come up with something else to go and do. There’s a documentary about Warren Ellis being shown at a local comics shop tonight. There are a bunch of coffee shops and bookstores close by that I could spend some time in. Downtown with all of its goings on is just a short train ride away. I couldn’t help but think of what others would want me to be doing or whether or not I should see if any friendly type people had any plans or wanted to hang out–you know how people do on a Friday night.

But when I got right down to it, what I really wanted to do was curl up on my couch in my pajamas, with some yarn, some sticks and a movie (and my cat, if we’re being honest). It’s been a weird week sleep wise, I’m tired and could use a quiet break. So I gave myself kind of a harsh but peppy talk about how “you get to do whatever you want to do now, you don’t have to worry about what anybody else would want, so put on your goddamn pajamas and get comfortable!”

I’m kind of proud that I listened to myself.

So I was sitting around and trying to think up something to blog about and seriously, you guys, I was coming up completely dry. I have some maintenancy stuff I want to talk about here but I want to do some more exploring and detail settling before I do that. Everything else I thought up seemed…bleccch.

And then I ate dinner. And Zee Oh Em Gee. OMNOMNOMNOM.

Apparently I have a gift for shredded pork.  Here’s how I made it.

Preheat oven t0 350-375 (my oven cooks low so my dial is usually closer to 375, but it depends on your oven.

In a glass baking pan (or whatever you have handy, I bet any baking dish would do, put some thickish pork loin chops–as many as you think you’ll need to feed your family or can fit into the pan. I used four so that I would have some left over for lunch tomorrow.

Pour in some beef broth–you don’t need the chops to be completely submerged but you want there to be a solid pool in the bottom of the pan. Aim for about half an inch to an inch of juice to keep things from drying out.

Toss some butter in there too–a couple of “healthy” tablespoons should be enough. I used a little more because I like using butter but if you aren’t a butter person, you can use less. It’s mostly to help flavor, since you’ve already got the beef broth to keep things moist.

Cover the pan with foil (or if you have an oven safe lid, that would work too, obviously).

Bake for 45 minutes or so.

Take the pan out of the oven and use two forks to shred each pork chop (make sure they are fully cooked first). Put the shreds right back into the broth/now-melted butter mixture after you finish shredding each chop.

Spice to taste. I used a healthy shaking of salt, pepper and garlic but you might want to try others.

Stir everything around in the pan so that the spices can get evenly distributed and mixed in.

Put the pan back in the oven, UNcovered this time.  Lower the baking temperature to 250-300 degrees.

Bake for fifteen minutes or so–this helps the butter/broth/spices cook into the meat while drying things out just enough that the meat is still fairly juicy won’t feel like a soup or be all drippy when you take it out of the oven.

Take the dish out of the oven.  Serve the shredded pork however you like–I put mine on some slightly toasted sesame seed hamburger buns.

Eat.

Faint from happiness.

Hmmm. That title feels lamer than it sounded in my head when I laughed myself into a coughing attack about it a few minutes ago. Oh well. I’m keeping it.

So. 2012. It’s kind of, like, here. And stuff.  I keep toying with that whole “I should probably do a 2011 review like every other blogger on the planet” but tonight I do not want to look back. I want to look forward. Particularly in terms of what I want to do on this blog.

I have loved refinding my blogging mojo over the last couple of months. I’ve loved it so much that I toyed briefly with taking on a blog365 project. After all, if I can do a year of vlogging, I can do a year of blogging, right? The problem is that I do not want to risk the quality of this refound blogging mojo for the quantity a blog365 project requires.  So I’m not going to do that–as fun as it may be.

Instead I’m committing to three posts a week.  I’m going to blog on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. At a minimum. Maybe I’ll blog in between those days and over the weekends too but I’m not going to commit to that. Right now 3 feels like a pretty good balance, especially since I committed myself to vlogging every Tuesday and Thursday.

I’m thinking up a creative project for the weekends, but for the purposes of this post we’re just going to focus on the blog.

Monday. Wednesday. Friday.  I have the power!

Today I did three things.

I made my official “I completed a full year of vlogging!” vlog. (Because I really DID complete a full year of vlogging!)

I cleaned my kitchen (it was BUGGING me).

I took the day off.

I don’t usually make myself take days off. They just usually kind of happen because of scheduling and having to wait on others and I guilty let myself have a little bit of free time while I wait for schedules to smooth out and others to get back to me. But today I made a nest of blankets on the couch, turned on Netflix and then spent the whole day lying around. And sometimes playing with yarn.

I did some thinking about my new year’s resolutions and what I want to accomplish in the next year and themes and stuff and I think I finally figured out what I want to do. I’ll talk about that in more detail tomorrow.

Mostly though…I just rested.

It was nice.

It’s not yet midnight here in Oregon but midnight has come and gone for a lot of you already so:

HAPPY NEW YEAR IF IT HAS HAPPENED TO YOU ALREADY!

I’m still trying to figure out what to do with my vlogging project. I don’t know what kind of real resolutions I want to make. I love the planning and the considering but I’m not yet ready to commit to any of the crazy ideas floating through my brain right now.

In that respect, this New Year’s Eve is exactly like last year’s New Year’s Eve.

In every other respect I think it’s safe to say that the year is not ending the way I thought it would end. I’m learning to be okay with that.

That’s not me being emo, that’s me being honest.

For right now, I’m choosing not to dwell on where I thought I’d be. For right now I’m choosing to focus my attention on whether or not I should shimmy under my bed to smooch my cat at midnight (the neighbors set off fireworks and so now she’s hiding).

What? Even if it is just the touching of noses, some form of smooch needs to happen at midnight. It’s tradition!

Happy New Year’s Eve Eve!

I know that a lot of other people have put together 2011 Year in Review kinds of posts and I thought about doing that myself but guess what: 2011 isn’t over yet. Who knows what kind of exciting stuff could happen by tomorrow night?

Tonight I’m staring at blank Word documents and trying to come up with the words I need to finish a project. Exciting, no? No? Okay.

I’m also trying to firm up plans for this blog and my vlog and other types of things both creative and professional (but still creative). The nice thing is that the majority of this kind of plan firming is that it can happen in my head. I can think it all out while I watch more Bones on Netflix and knit more inches of the latest scarf. I’m getting pretty good at the seed stitch, if I do say so myself.

I was telling my roommate (and my Mom a couple of days ago and one of my friends a few days before that) that I feel like I’m in the midst of the ramp up before the makeover montage of just about every cheesy chick flick ever. I feel like I’m almost ready to make some grounded decisions and changes. I can feel the fizzing, I just can’t see the details yet.

So I knit. And watch television and think and ponder and over think and over ponder and drive myself a little bit crazy. But that’s okay. I don’t have to have it all figured out right now, right? It’s only New Years Eve’s EVE. I still have a whole day left to figure this stuff out!

So here’s my question for you all:

Is it better to dive in head first knowing that it could go horribly awry because you aren’t truly ready for what you’re about to dive into just yet?

Or

Is it better to keep waiting until you do feel truly ready, knowing that you are completely capable of coming up with reason after reason after reason to keep putting it off because you are really good at working yourself up and may never let yourself feel totally ready?

Must! Update! Every! Day! Can’t! Stop! Now! Auuuugh!

I’m trying to come up with some good resolutions for this next year. I’m trying to figure out how I want to do my vlog next year.  I have a big work project I need to be finishing up but I’m not sure how to get it to gel together.

So of course today I spent the day on the couch knitting and watching Netflix.

What–isn’t that how you do some of your best thinking?

Oh and I accidentally fell asleep for a while. Apparently I was really comfortable and really tired (my roommate and I had our bi-annual apartment inspection and smoke detector check today. At 8:30 this morning).

Now I’m turning to you guys: what do you think I should do with my vlog? What would you like to see me accomplish in the next year? It’s still all up to me, of course, but I like you guys.