One note, though: I know that on this blog we aren’t particularly commenty, but I was hoping that today even the lurkers could come out of the woodwork to take part in the conversation today.  That’s part of what makes this such a good program to be a part of–the feedback! Thanks guys (and gals)!

NOW, the Blog Share Post:

These are secrets I can never publish on my own blog, or as a status update, or a tweet because I am afraid of the onslaught of questions and hurt feelings.  So I am posting them anonymously here to release them into the wild and let them go free.  Each secret is directed towards a different person; a friend, a crush, a co-worker, a family member, an ex, a stranger, there may even be one for you.

I keep a chat window with you open all day, every day, on the hope that you will start a conversation.  I know you are dating Her and I respect that, I also know you are not happy with Her and you seriously wonder if you and I could work.  While you figure that out, I’ll be waiting.

You are harsh and cold and harbor absolutely no feelings of compassion or empathy. You are pretentious and unforgiving.  I desperately want to tell you that these, coupled with your impatience and (generally incorrect) snap-judgements of people are the reasons you are single.  I want to tell you, but I’m terrified of getting on your bad side, so I don’t say anything.

We have been friends for years, we have never dated.  I am not attracted to you because of your bad oral hygiene and your choice of career.  Maybe that makes me shallow or something, but I don’t want to be married to someone who always puts his job and his employees first.

You talk badly about every one of your co-workers when they are not around.  It makes me wonder what you say about me when I’m not around, and has solidified my decision to never write or give a positive recommendation about you to a future employer, academic program, potential relationship, or other endeavor.  You are bitter to your core.

You saved me.  You have never used it as some kind of leverage, or glorified your role.  In fact, I doubt you even know what you did.  But you saved me.  I still love you for that.

You have unusually small man-parts.  The more you try to convince me that you are, in fact, “above average” the more I have to force myself not to laugh.  You are small and pretending you aren’t only exacerbates your insecurities and makes you shrink even further in my mind’s eye.

You wink at me every time I see you–there is nothing flirty or romantic about it, it’s just friendly and edged with a delicious feeling of conspiracy.  You have these disconcerting eyes, and when you wink I feel like we share some kind of inside joke, and thinking I am part of your club makes me feel like I can do anything.

I didn’t vote in the last Presidential election.  My candidate of choice dropped out before the final election.  I couldn’t fathom voting for the party choice, and the idea of voting for the other party’s candidate made me sick to my stomach.  So I didn’t vote.  I wore an “I voted” sticker all day anyway.

I am better off without you in my life.  I wish I had realized this ten years ago and chosen to turn and run from the toxicity that you surround yourself with, the hate and pain and fear you hurl at the general direction of my head. Had I done so I am positive my therapy bill would have been reduced by at least 60%.  As it is, I will never look back and regret my decision to cut you off.  It was the healthiest choice I had, and I’m proud that I was brave enough to take it.

***

If you’d like to check out other people’s blog posts, here is the list of where they can all be found:

The Time for Change
Bright Yellow World
Reflections in the Snow-Covered Hills
Totally Serial
Daily Tannenbaum
Andrea Unplugged
Malfeasance
From Kim’s Desk
Rediscovering Me
Mama Bub
Being Five
Nothing Is Easier Than Self-Deceit
Molly’s Musings
Heidikins
Snarke
Did I Say That Outloud?
The Reluctant Grownup
And You Know What Else
Bwildered
Thinking Some More

So I kind of chickened out, decided not to tempt fate and phoned it in.  I officially apologize to whoever gets my half assed post!

I really like the post I was given to put up here and I hope you will shower whoever this is with your own thoughts and insights and comments.  I know that last time I did this, I haunted my post’s site for a few days just soaking up the comments.

So, without further ado…

You know that show Intervention? Well, I might need to go on it for an Internet addiction.

I’m afraid to say it, but I have become invisible in my own life. Instead I read about what other people’s lives are like. Thus I have turned into someone who is more present online than IRL (in real life).

I blog

I tweet

I Facebook. Which isn’t a verb.

I chat on IM

I don’t communicate face to face much

I don’t socialize with breathing people much

My phone skills have gone to crap

When I read a post by a blogger saying she is divorcing her husband, I feel as bad for her as I would if a friend IRL told me she was dealing with that. The blogger sometimes will open up more than a friend IRL will and sometimes I know more about her divorce than that of my friend. This might mean that the blogger pours her soul onto the Internet. Or it might just mean I am way too involved in what someone I don’t know is dealing with.

A Facebook friend who is not a “real” friend but an online friend asks for prayers for a sick loved one. And then I remember a real-life friend whose mother just got out of the hospital and think I should call him to see how his mom is doing. But it’s 1 am so I decide to call him later. My Facebook friend receives my instant attention though. I will reply to her status or send off an email sending prayers to this person I have never met.

Why is it that I feel more left out when I don’t get invited to a Broad Summit, or a tweet-up than I do about the weekend trip to the Jersey shore some friends took – the trip I heard about only after they got home? I can’t blame them for not inviting me because I am slowly disappearing into the black hole of the Internet.

A real-life friend celebrated her daughter’s first birthday party a couple of months ago. I missed it because I was traveling. I haven’t seen the pictures of the cake mooshing or the present opening from her party, or even given her the present I have, but on a daily basis I will see pictures from bloggers, putting me at their child’s birthday party.

I keep hearing about how all this online activity is contributing to the breakdown of communication and real relationships. It’s happening to me and I need to stop it. How and why did I start looking into this magic box filled with people for companionship and take the real people for granted?

What if the Internet shut down? Implausible as it may sound, what would I do if that happened, and what if it was a long-term thing? It makes me wonder if my real friends would be there, welcoming me out of my hermitude, or if they will have moved on.

I can’t let that happen. Things are happening in real life as much as they are online. Babies, weddings, honeymoons, divorces, new jobs, layoffs, new homes, ilnesses, successes and failures. I don’t want to miss it, and I know that a friend in need would have me at their side in a snap. But what if I miss that? What if they need me but I have distanced myself so far they don’t call? I already know I am missing the droll day to day stuff.

I have exaggerated in this post to make a point here, and I am not as awful a friend as I might sound. I keep in touch with the real people in my life – albeit not as much as I should or used to – and I know everyone is healthy and doing fiine.

I wrote this post to see if anyone else experiences this, even if just temporarily. And if so, how do you dig yourself out of it and become a more active participant in life? Besides the obvious – just leaving the computer and doing it.

Here are the other blogs participating in this round of the Blog Share.  Check them out!

Not the Daddy
O is for Olson
Red Red Whine
Rediscovering Me
Reflections in the Snow-covered Hills
The Reluctant Grownup
Sauntering Soul
Serendipity Now
Snarke
So, This Is a Treadmill
Thinking Some More
Time for Change
Together They Come
Wondering and Pondering
And You Know What Else
Andrea Unplugged
Arctic-ulate
Bright Yellow World
Bwildered
Catheroominations
Did I Say That Outloud?
Dispatches from the Failed Mommy Club
Full of Snark
Heidikins
Hot Chicks Dig Smart Men
Just Below 63
The Little Goat