It’s been a rough week. It’s been a rough week and I’m having that thing where I really want to talk about it to actually be honest here about the things I’m thinking and feeling and actually let you all in but…it’s still new and it’s still weird and it still hurts and it’s an every second epic battle between shutting it out to do the things I need to do (like work my ass off so I can save up to get the hell out of here) and curling up in a ball and falling deep down into my own head and just…staying there. Where it’s quiet and I don’t have to constantly see or deal with…any of it.
And, in light of this desire to be honest, I’m not sure if I could really talk about it with any sort of…clarity or maturity. Because the part of me that isn’t convinced that curling up and going dark is the best option wants to rage. It wants to call out and call names and yell and cry and cause a big ol’ scene and sic the Internet on him. But I know that I’d hate myself the minute I did that because that isn’t actually who I am. I’m not vengeful. I’m not a blame slinger. I deal with things, I put a on a good face and I carry on. When I’m able.
Which is not today.
So I should probably not be so very much with the blogging tonight. Maybe on Friday I’ll be able to talk about it. But not today.