It’s been a rough week. It’s been a rough week and I’m having that thing where I really want to talk about it to actually be honest here about the things I’m thinking and feeling and actually let you all in but…it’s still new and it’s still weird and it still hurts and it’s an every second epic battle between shutting it out to do the things I need to do (like work my ass off so I can save up to get the hell out of here) and curling up in a ball and falling deep down into my own head and just…staying there. Where it’s quiet and I don’t have to constantly see or deal with…any of it.
And, in light of this desire to be honest, I’m not sure if I could really talk about it with any sort of…clarity or maturity. Because the part of me that isn’t convinced that curling up and going dark is the best option wants to rage. It wants to call out and call names and yell and cry and cause a big ol’ scene and sic the Internet on him. But I know that I’d hate myself the minute I did that because that isn’t actually who I am. I’m not vengeful. I’m not a blame slinger. I deal with things, I put a on a good face and I carry on. When I’m able.
Which is not today.
So I should probably not be so very much with the blogging tonight. Maybe on Friday I’ll be able to talk about it. But not today.
1 Comment so far
Leave a comment
First, I know this will sound trite, off the cuff and just plain pedestrian. Take a deep breath, hold it for a second, let it all out. (all of it). Repeat as needed. I like to add a hand motion where I take both hands and push them down and away from my body as I exhale. This will help. Not a lot but just enough to keep you from screaming and gnashing your teeth. After the edge is off the pain you can be an adult again. Until then your best weapon is silence (as you have said above). This way in the future you won’t have to eat crow. It really does have a yucky mouth feel.
Second – remember that good people are all round you. The ones that know you love you. The lurkers like me say hey this women sounds like a person I could be really good friends with. So basically the universe loves you. (Even though she has a passive aggressive way of showing it sometimes)
Third and I’m not to proud to say I use this one on myself at times. “This too shall pass”.
No matter how dark the time, light is just around the corner.
I hope that my note helps you just a little.
Finally, I know its not politically correct but I’m going to use it anyway.
Merry Christmas, Happy New Year.
I hope that the coming year is filled with Laughter and Joy.
Blessed Be
S
By S on 12.20.12 12:48 pm | Permalink
Leave a comment