You and I have inhabited the same body for more than thirty years now and I have a question.  Why can’t I ever just get a head cold?  Why must every sniffle become a cough? Seriously I.S. what’s up?  As soon as I started to feel the sniffles take hold last week I swore off dairy.  I swore off going outside.  I started pounding vitamin C and did my best to eat only healthy well made home cooked foods.  And, sure, okay, I did eat a whole bag of Doritos over the course of a couple of days but that’s nothing compared to my usual snacktitude and I had to eat those! Will and I aren’t buying any more snacks until we finish off the snacks we bought for our wedding reception that didn’t get eaten (or opened).

You have to know how irritated I am right now.  I woke up this morning thinking “wow! I can breathe! And I didn’t even need to get up in the middle of the night to take a benadryl to get that to happen!” and immediately started hacking.  That painful, tight, non crunchy hacking which means that you are simply gearing up for the gravelly coughing and bronchial bark fest that are sure to show up in the next day or two.  You know the kind–the kind where I can’t laugh without having a coughing fit?

You do this to me every. single. time I get sick.  Not once have I had a 24 hour flu.  Not once have I had a small case of the sniffles.  Not once have I had a full on head cold that left me feeling sore in the nose but nowhere else.

Look, I know that coughing is how I’m supposed to get rid of the extra germy germs from the flu.  I know that coughing is a good workout and that, should this cough run the way most of my chest colds do, I should have some awesome abs in a couple of weeks.  But honestly?  I’d rather breathe clearly and deeply without it turning into a hacking fit.  I’d like to laugh and not have to deal with people rushing to my aid because they think I’m dying (because the chuckle turned into a doubled over coughing attack).

So if you could see fit to let this weird cough thing last just a day or so?  I’d be really grateful.

Thanks,

Me.

P.S.  If you could also see to it that I can stand up and move around for more than five minutes without needing to take a two hour nap I’d really appreciate it.  I have work to do!