Two weeks from right now I’ll have been married for a little over twenty four hours.  I’m sure that everyone is getting sick of the wedding stuff but still.  Two weeks.  Just sayin’.

I wrote a little bit in my last post about going to see Julie and Julia with Will.  What I didn’t write was that one of the reasons that Will agreed to go to the movie at all was that he was trying to make up for the little situation I wrote about here and to cheer me up because I had a thoroughly melt downy Monday.  The stress of wedding planning (and reception planning and “just get through it” ness) was (is) starting to get to me big time.

Obviously Julie & Julia did the job it was supposed to do.  It cheered me up immensely, made me laugh and reset my brain (nothing hits my reset button like two hours in a theater watching a movie).  More than that, it makes me anxious for the time when I can get back into blogging and building this site the way I want to.  I write here all the time about how much I love blogging and how much I want to put more effort into this blog and how I need to make this blog a priority.  Part of that anxiety comes from the fact that, while I love my current job of writing content for others, my real dream is to be able to write the way I do here and earn money for that.  I don’t necessarily mean earn a living through this blog (though that would be nice) but writing the way I want to about what I want to.

Again, any clients who might be reading this site: I love working with you! Truly I do! Keep hiring me!

What the Julie & Julia movie really did for me though was remind me of why I started blogging in the first place and why I keep at it more than five years later even though no book contracts have been offered and I don’t earn jack crap in ad revenue (hello, I have two tiny text ads over there, what else do I expect?).  It’s easy to read Dooce and Miss Britt and think “I wish I could do that” and get caught up in the “how can I find that kind of success” ness of blogging and lose track of why I keep coming back here day after day.  And it was good, even in my melt downy state, to be reminded.  It felt good to be inspired to get back to this space.  I’ve felt the drive and the stress of “I’m slacking on my blog” and the envy of the success of big bloggers but I haven’t felt the inspiration.  The need to keep track.  The need to really put myself out there.  The need to communicate.

When I started this blog (back in the day when it was on Blog City and called something completely different) I told everyone it was because I wanted to start really being true to who I was and to do something with all of the creative energy I felt was being sucked out me hoover style as a retail bookslut/coffee slinger.  Looking back I realize that I started blogging because I had two friends in Las Vegas and within a month one of them died and the other flipped out and disappeared and I was suddenly completely alone and just needed someone to effing talk to even if it was just the faceless ether that was the internet.

I’ve been thinking a lot about that time recently.  I don’t talk about it often beyond “yes.  That was my dark time” but I remember it.  I remember it with startling major megapixels, LED plasma 52″ flat screen bazillion dollar television-like clarity.

That feeling of being lost is, according to the movie, sort of why Julie Powell started blogging: to have something to do, something that was just for her, something to commit to, to focus on so that she wouldn’t feel so adrift.  I get that.

And you didn’t think I could bring this thing full circle.

The main point (that my long windy self has tortured long enough) is that I am excited to be able to start blogging regularly again.  It might not start with any real predictability or reliability until a few weeks from now (getting married and trying to plan a wedding and trying to wrap up all of my work projects in the next 5-6 days kind of throws a wrench into all of that inspiration) but it will happen.

Soonish.

We went to see Julie & Julia on Monday night (I needed to reset my brain after having a complete and total meltdown that lasted most of the day) and I have to say that I loved it.  LOVED it.  It was an absolutely charming movie and, like most of the reviews I have read, I would kind of like Nora Ephron to write a biopic of Julia Child’s life and cast Meryl Streep in the role because seriously?  She was fantastic.

The other thing about watching the movie that I loved was that it sort of re-inspired me to blog.  It is no secret that I’ve been scarce around these parts lately what with working like crazy to pay the rent and the bills and taking care of all of the last minute wedding details.  But watching this movie made me remember a little bit why I blog: to put myself out there, to be read (and, lets face it, judged) and to have this little piece of internet real estate that is just for me.  And I won’t lie, since watching the movie I’ve been trolling around the internet looking for different types of blogging platforms, trying to figure out my next step and how to take my blog to the next level.  So when I got the chance to do a review of Thoughts.com’s blogs site I jumped for it.

Thoughts.com looks like it is supposed to be a sort of facebook-meets-regular-blogging kind of platform.  It is meant as a social media site on which users can post blog posts and interact with each other in a safe and “one love” protected environment.  One Love is the company’s philosophy of treating other users with kindness and not trying to pick fights or be too judgmental when commenting on someone’s post.  In addition to blog posts, users can upload photos and videos much like other social media platforms.  They can add friends and receive updates about those friends when they log in.  It looks like it is trying to merge blogging and other forms of social media into one neat little package and I admire the effort.

Some of you might like the idea of keeping everything in one place but I kind of like having separate things for separate areas of my life.  Facebook and Myspace are 99% made up of people I know in real life already in some form.  Twitter, on the other hand is more about my blogging world (though I did just follow Will’s sister today.  Hi Will’s sister!) and while I know that there are people in my three dimensional world who read my blog, I kind of like keeping the two crowds mostly separate for now.

Still, as far as blogging platforms go, Thoughts.com looks like it is on the right track.

Meanwhile, I get to jump right back into work and affix my nose firmly to a grindstone so that I can get our rent paid on time.

I had a blog post mostly written out but then Will and I spent forty five minutes texting back and forth about whether or not we should go to a friend’s house for dinner and now the “hey that reads pretty well” has turned into “what was I thinking?”

I hate it when that happens.

Dear Men:

When it’s three in the morning and your fiance wakes you up for a hug because she can’t sleep because you told her (right before falling asleep) that you might be starting your honeymoon a few days late (which means cutting it almost in half) so that you two can spend time with your father (who you have spent more time  with over the last twelve months than every single other person in her family combined in the five years that you have been together) and, after she tells you how she feels she says “I’m sorry I’m such a selfish bitch” and bursts into tears the correct response is not “it’s okay, you’re hormonal and can’t help it.”

In fact, just about anything in the world is a better response than that.

You’re welcome.

Over the last few days I have felt the onset of some sniffles.  Now, I spend most of my days sitting directly in front of a fan (hello summer, won’t be sad to see you give way to fall) so I do now know if this is an allergy/dust being blown at me 24/7 kind of sniffle or a gross “ha ha! you’re totally about to get sick!” sniffle but I do know one thing: I CANNOT GET SICK BEFORE THE WEDDING.  No no no.  See–I don’t get sick like normal people do.  I don’t catch the sniffles, feel lousy for a few days and then move on.  I catch the sniffles for a few days, have a week or so of “oh my god I feel like I’m dying” aches/pains/inability to breathe while lying down/cloudy headedness and then a month and a half of bronchial barking cough.  No. Good.  So I have been doing what any sane person would do when confronted by the fact that a cold might be trying to latch on.  I have been shoving Vitamin C down my throat and taking Sudafed.  I might have tossed back a couple of ecinacea and I was definitely eyeing the Benadryl and Nyquil the last couple of nights.  Not because that’s how sick I feel, but that is how badly I want to kick the ass of whatever this is, even if it is dust.

Which means that it is entirely possible that my brain is not having trouble concentrating because its Friday but because I keep taking otc meds when I might not need to.

Anyway.

All of the Vitamin C has had an…um….well….. would it be tacky to just set up shop in the bathroom for a day or so? I can’t seem to go an hour without needing to…..you know.  It is not comfortable.  It does not smell nice.  The cat will not come within arms reach of me.

But you know what?  If [bleep!]ing whatever this is out of me through the back door is what it takes? Then that’s what it takes.

Which is totally a lovely thing to write about on a Friday afternoon when I should be writing things that will actually make me money.

Have a good weekend!

Yesterday we spent the afternoon and early evening at Will’s Company’s annual Family Picnic and can I just tell you that spending four and a half hours outside in 100ish degree heat and pounding sunlight? Was so fun.  Only, you know, not.  Though I am pretty sure I lost a few pounds when I sweat them out of me.  I shouldn’t complain too much, though, because going to the picnic meant that I didn’t have to cook and that we didn’t have to pay for our dinner (it was provided).  Free food is a pretty strong draw, no matter what the temperature is outside.

When we got home we closed ourselves (and the cat) in the bedroom and turned Bert on full force and spent the rest of the evening sprawled out on the bed and watching movies–30 Days of Night and Kung Fu Panda.  I can promise you that the second was chosen as a direct reaction to the first–nothing like watching some guys head get blown in half right before you are supposed to go to sleep for the night to make you say “you know what? I don’t mind staying up an extra 90 minutes if I can replace the icky with something fun” and seriously? Kung Fu Panda was awesome.  We might buy it (when we have the money) we liked it so much.

Honestly? With all of the work and wedding stuff and money issues that we’ve had swirling around our heads for the last few weeks, it was nice to take an evening off to just relax and not think about all of the rest of the crap that burdens us during the day.  It was not a surprise that I slept much better last night than I have in a while.

Today, my nose is back to the grindstone and I am planning on working all day to try and this evening Will and I will finalize the schedule of events for the wedding with our venue/reception site and put together a working budget for fall.  I might not sleep as well tonight but I am glad to have had last night to lie around and just enjoy each others’ company.

I have been awake since six this morning and, all things considered (not going to bed until almost midnight last night) I think I am doing remarkably well–especially considering the fact that I did not finish my to do list today.  But! It isn’t my fault! I had a dress fitting this morning and we are being visited by Will’s sister (who has come to trade cars back with Will, halle-lu-freakin-jah) who is spending the night. She got here in time for the fitting and then we spent the afternoon walking around the neighborhood and chatting.

Right now she’s playing on Facebook and Will is trying out the Batman game demo on the PS3 so I thought I would take a moment to update this blog.  The wedding is in twenty six days.  Which means that I have 21 days with which to earn enough money to keep us covered for this month and next month–and, hopefully, to have enough funds to do some fun stuff during our “honeymoon” (a week long staycation that we are very much looking forward to).  So. Um. Yow.  That’s a lot of head down and buried in work – ness (while also finishing up wedding stuff).  But it will be worth it when I am able to sit down and relax with Will for a whole week after our wedding.

But still. 26 Days!

Today I toyed briefly (if you can call a couple of hours “briefly”) contemplating whether or not I should put up a wedding-related theme to freak me out about celebrate the fact that the wedding is just under a month away.  I’ve already written about changing the theme to something new after the wedding but today, while I was trying to get my brain to focus on things that need to get done, like work, I thought “why not put up a place holder theme?  Just to get the theme change ball rolling?”  But you know what?  I do not like ANY of the wedding-related themes that are out there as they are all kind of cheesy.  Of course, so are weddings to a point.

I have my seamstress fitting on Monday and we’ll get Will fitted for his tux next week too and then I have to figure out if we have the money to buy wedding favor bags or if I should save the money but spend the extra time making my own little sachets.  I’m thinking that it will be better to save the money given that almost immediately after the wedding we will need to begin paying the credit card bill.  Which I just added up tentatively in my brain.  Excuse me, I am going to go hyperventilate.  Jeebus.

I’m still really digging the idea of designing my own theme for after the wedding but I do not know if I will have the time to work on it.  I want to put in some extra time on work stuff so that I won’t be completely freaked out about money when I take two weeks off in September (the week before and after the wedding).  Maybe I’ll play with it while we are on our “honeymoon” (where are we going? Or are we staying home?  We’ll never tell!) but I think that that time will mostly be spent….well there will be canoodling.  That’s all I’m going to say.

We got our first present today! I think!  We are registered at Bed, Bath & Beyond and a big ol’ box showed up from there today.  I don’t remember ordering anything and Will doesn’t remember ordering anything and twitter said we should open it now so that we can send the thank you card right away so…yay! Presents!  The greedy part of me wishes that it was not completely tacky to put links to our registries up in the sidebar of this blog.

There is not much else to report from Snarkeland.  Life here has been spent mainly working and trying to focus on work and eating food and bemoaning the fact that it is supposed to get hot again next week.  And developing an addiction to Caramel Crunch & Munch.

Have you ever wondered if you were ever taking part in an exercise in futility?  I did today.

Today I renewed my driver’s permit.  Yes.  That’s right.  I am thirty one years old and I do not have a driver’s license.  I got my permit for the first time when I was fifteen, like a normal person.  I went through driver’s ed.  I learned how to drive (on a manual transmission no less).  I even managed to conquer parallel parking.  All when I was fifteen.  But, due to circumstances beyond my control (Mother, I’m looking right. at. you), I was never able to practice enough or take the test to get an actual license.  So my permit lapsed.  And when I went to college I went with an ID card.

I went to college right outside of San Francisco.  The public transit system was awesome.  Plus I was too busy and too poor to do anything that required a car.

After college I went to Las Vegas where, to be honest, the public transportation system kind of sucked.  But it was liveable and it got me where I needed to go without too much of a hassle (except for the middle of the summer transit workers’ strike.  That was no fun).  And, again, I was too poor to afford to do anything that required a car.  So I kept renewing my ID card.

After Vegas I moved back to Southern Oregon where the public transportation was a joke.  But it got me to work and, often, I had my Mom and then Will to drive me around when I needed it (nothing makes you feel more like an adult than calling your Mom for a ride home).  Will, however, was insistent that I learn how to drive and that he would teach me.  So I got my permit again. Will and I were not well matched as teacher and student–but I had the basics down and when Will got the (automatic) Subaru I proved that I could transport us from Roseburg to Sutherlin without killing us or anyone else. But I was not confident enough to try freeway driving or to actually go take the license exam.  And then we moved up here to Portland.

Portland’s transportation system rocks.  Seriously.  I heart it.  And at some point I have turned into a driving (and passengering) wuss.  I have not gotten behind the wheel of a car since we moved up here.  And I am kind of okay with that.  And sometimes I feel lame that I am thirty one years old and cannot drive myself around.

So today I renewed my permit again.  And I will learn to drive because I’m about to get married.  And I want to have kids.  And I want to be able to drive the kids to the doctor’s office in case there is an emergency.  And I want to  not have to live within a mile of a transit station (which is so much more expensive).  But mostly because I do not want to deal with “you’re how old?  And you don’t have your license yet? What is wrong with you?”

I have to say though, that the whole thing felt like an exercise in futility.  I went to the DMV Express in the Lloyd Center because when Will and I walked by it a few days ago it was absolutely not busy at all.  But today? At eleven AM on a Tuesday?  There was a long line.  Of course.  But I stood in the line.  And filled out the wrong form.  And learned that even at eleven in the morning after only having been open for an hour, the DMV people have no sense of humor and do not appreciate my patience or good attitude.  But the right form got filled out, a new picture got taken and my new permit should show up in the mail within a week or so.

I had to do this a month before my wedding–after which my name will be changed.  So I get to go back and do it all again.  Because? I have to have a valid ID to get a marriage license.

So, essentially, I had to renew my permit so that I could get my marriage license so that I could get my name changed so that I could go back and get another new permit. Suddenly my life is like Main Street in Pleasantville.  All roads are leading back to the DMV.

It’s almost time for bed on Sunday night and while I blog Will is sitting across from me looking up Dukes of Hazard tv trivia.  This is what happens when you rent the latest Fast and the Furious movie for your evening “lets just crash on the couch and watch a movie” event.

That’s right.  I said Fast and the Furious. We’ve seen all of them.  Voluntarily.  Admittedly the third one was a mistake and I kind of wish I could get that couple of hours of my life back but that viewing came about more out of sheer desperation for air conditioning than any sort of need to keep up with the franchise.

ANYway, yes, we rented the latest installment of Fast and the Furious and I have to say that I liked it.  It isn’t going to win any awards or anything but it is a perfect, end of the weekend no thinking required badass car chase/stunt driving movie.  And Vin Diesel is, as always, YUMMY.  He’d totally be one of my five…if Will and I had those lists.

Speaking of not winning any awards, we went to the Bite of Oregon earlier today with a couple of our friends and I have to say that, sadly, I was not impressed.  I don’t know if my expectations were too high or if I was too tired or it was just too warm or the sun was too bright or what, but if we hadn’t been with friends who wanted to take their time and mosey slowly, we could have trucked through the thing in fifteen minutes.  We went in hoping that it would be a great way to find some new local eateries, try some free samples (thus quelling the need to purchase or cook dinner) and generally have a fun time gaining weight.  Instead it was hot and everything was expensive (by our Ramen=gourmet standards anyway) and there just wasn’t a whole lot of food we were interested in trying–though I did have two free samples of grilled pork chop (the only free samples we could find) and they were yummy. The best part of the experience was hanging out with our friends and getting out of the house.

I don’t know what it is.  Maybe it’s part of getting older or maybe I just spend too much time alone and indoors (or maybe its just the summer heat) but spending the day out in the sun has not been fun for a while.  I always have a good time with my friends but by the time I get home I am always too hot, too tired, headache-ridden and all I want to do is find a cold, dark room to lie down in and close my eyes for a while.  It makes me sad because I remember being able to run around at fairs like this one (okay, Ocean Fest’s Boulevard of Booths was decidedly lower key) all afternoon and not feel any worse for the wear.  Now if I’m out and about for more than an hour or so I start to long for our couch and controlled lighting.

Or maybe it’s just a sign that I need to invest in those clip on sunglasses that will fit over my current set of spectacles.

For the most part the day was fun but it was also good to come home and crash on the couch with Will.

Oh and I made spaghetti for dinner.  And? It was tasty and made my stomach very very happy.