I’m about to get to work for the day (after making a rather unfortunate decision to have warmed up pizza for breakfast that I will probably regret for many hours) but I thought that, rather than waiting for the end of the day, I’d start my day off with a blog post.

Last night I crawled into bed and realized that I have been varying degrees of annoyed for almost all of 2009.  Sure the year is not quite a month old, but still.  I have been annoyed for a very very long time.  And most of my annoyance comes from a central point of irritation.  Yes people, I am talking about the “roommate.”

I debated whether or not to post about this because, well, it feels like I’m pulling you to the side of a high school hallway to trade whispered back stabbing gossip.  At the same time, it’s my blog dammit and if I cannot vent to my blog peeps then who?

I don’t know.  Maybe it’s me.  Maybe, with the exception of Will and any future offspring we spawn, I am just not cut out to be a roommate.  I’m not a huge fan of sharing.  Or cleaning up after others.  Or having someone else touch my stuff.  Or being quiet because someone else decides to sleep in until one thirty in the afternoon.  Or being teased by someone whose response to reciprocal teasing is “you don’t have to be so rude” followed by forty five minutes of pouting.

The most recent flashes of white hot “I want to punch him in the faceness” come from two different situations.

The most recent, and lesser annoyance, happened last night.  Will and I were watching a rerun of House while we waited for the Daily Show to come on.  “Roommate” plops down on the futon with his laptop and starts watching YouTube videos super loudly–drowining out the television.  I feel Will sigh and I try not to scream and start tearing out my hair in tufts (ala Turk in Scrubs).  When it comes time to switch the channel to Comedy Central, I look at the “roommate” (not sure why I stopped calling him by his name) and say “I have a spare set of headphones if you want to borrow them.”  This was said in a perfectly friendly tone and even with a smile.  I figured it would be a good compromise–we could watch what we wanted and he could watch his videos.  His response? “Why do you have to say shit like that? That’s not necessary.”  When I explained to him that we were about to watch the Daily Show he said “well then just say that next time.  God.” And then proceeded to pout for the next half an hour, sighing loudly whenever we would laugh at something Jon Stewart said.

The other, and more annoying conversation came a couple of days ago when Will and I were watching the season premiere of Lost, which we had saved on the DVR so that roommate could watch it with us (we got him addicted).  Dude. would. not. shut. up.  “That’s dumb!” “That would never happen!” “Oh my god that guy’s an idiot nobody would ever believe that!” followed by “wait, what did he say?”  and “what’s going on?” Even Will was starting to clench his fists.  Finally, to keep one of us from pummelling him I said “why don’t you just watch the show?  If you’d stop talking and pay attention you would understand what is going on.”  To which he replied “I am not going to change who I am just to suit you.”  And the you? Was said in that….tone.  You know the one I’m talking about.  For my own credit, I did not go buy a bat with which to pummel him.  I didn’t even say anything back.  I just raised my eyebrows at Will and left the room.

The thing is, I know why he’s doing it.  It is classic “I don’t have to do what anybody says” moodiness that is meant to show his ex-wife that he doesn’t care what she thinks and that she has no control over him.  Unfortunately because she is not here, it’s being taken out on us.  I understand this in my brain.  I also understand that if it doesn’t stop soon I won’t be able to be rational about it and simply leave the room.  I’ll lose my temper and spew a bunch of anger-ridden crap and we probably won’t be friends after that and, even though the guy is annoying as hell and I want him out of my house like yesterday, I don’t want to ruin a friendship.  Especially since, technically, it’s Will’s friendship and just mine by proxy.

So today it is not snowing, but I am playing catch up and have decided to build another blanket nest on the couch.  Grey’s Anatomy is playing in the background and the living room is filled with so much estrogen that hopefully the roommate will decide just to play video games in the other room because I? Could really use a break.