Last night I could not get to sleep.  I felt sort of like I felt as a kid on the night before school started or on Christmas Eve or any other sort of night when you try to sleep but can’t because you have been waiting for the next morning for months.

I tried my hardest not to get attached to Barack Obama.  I tried to not pay any attention to him.  I tried so hard not to care and damnit all  it took was one speech and I was done.  I loved Obama.  If I had the time or the money I would have campaigned full time for Obama in the primary.  When he walked out onto the stage to accept the nomination at the Democratic National Convention, I bawled my eyes out because I was so proud of my party.  I was so proud to be a Democrat that day.  The pride I had for my party was so strong it was almost painful.

I followed the general election closely.  I drove Will up the wall.  I watched as closely as I could stomach but I did not allow myself to even hope for a second that Obama would get elected.  I had learned my lesson in 2000 and 2004.  I wouldn’t even consider the idea that Obama could win, no matter how much I hoped I would be proved wrong.

When the election was called for Barack Obama, my living room erupted in very shrill screams as my friends hooted and hollered and screamed and clapped and I sat stunned thinking “holy crap, it actually happened.”  When Obama gave his victory speech tears dripped down my face and fell into my pizza.  I was quiet, stunned and shocked that something I hadn’t dared to hope for could have actually happened.   “My guy” had won.  I was so proud that my country had come together and accomplished what they had accomplished.  My heart was swollen with joy and pride and I wasn’t sure how all of that pride and joy was contained within a single human body.

This morning I sat in my living room and watched as the Obamas were met by the Bushes.  I did not cry as Michelle Obama handed Laura Bush the gift.  I felt joyful and excited but also quiet and steady and ready to watch my new President take his oath and make it real.  I did not cry as Obama entered the chamber or when he was announced and walked down the steps of the Capitol building.  My eyes were dry as Joe Biden was sworn in, through Aretha Franklin, through “Tis a Gift to be Simple” (or whatever its actual name is) and as Obama took his oath of office.  I got a tiny bit choked up as he gave his speech, but I did not cry. I was proud.  I was ready.

It wasn’t until the Senate luncheon that it fully hit me.  When they announced the arrival of “President Barack Obama” and played Hail to the Chief for the first time as he walked into the luncheon I. Lost. My. Shit.

My shit has not fully been recovered.  I’ve sat here watching the MSNBC coverage for most of the day and every once in a while it all hits me again and I lose any little bit that I might have gathered up.

Today I am bursting with pride and joy.  My seams, they cannot hold all of it in.