If you have known me or if you have been reading my blog for a while you already know that my anniversary (today) has always been…bittersweet.

Five years ago today my friend Abbott died in a car accident.  I don’t talk about the accident much or the time that followed it.  I do still tell funny Abbott stories when I remember them because who doesn’t like funny stories involving a 6’5 230+lb vegan who smoked American Spirits and did Kung Fu?  I think about Abbott every day and every day I miss him.  There are some days when I miss him so much my bone marrow aches and other days when I feel a nostalgic pull and wonder what Abbott would think about whatever it is that I am doing at the time that I think of him.  I miss my friend, but it’s been long enough now that I can remember our friendship for what it really was and no longer feel the need to paint everything with a rosy glowy cavity inducing love fest brush and can remember the times when we drove each other batshit “I’d stab your eyes out with a spork if I had one handy” insane.  And believe it or not, sometimes those are the memories that make me miss him the most and I’m willing to bet that if there is an afterlife, those are the times that Abbott remembers the most fondly as well.

Every once in a while I can still feel a vague Abbott-esque presence in my life.  I felt it when I was freaking out over the move up here to Portland and somehow I knew that wherever he was, he was really happy for me on my birthday, when Will and I got engaged.  I hope I’ll be able to feel that same vauge “Abbott is happy” sensation on my wedding day… when Will and I get our new anniversary.

Today is also Will’s and my anniversary.  One year to the day after Abbott’s accident Will and I “officially” started dating.  Will wanted to wait until the 28th (the question was asked at about ten minutes to midnight) but I knew that Abbott would like the idea of taking what could potentially turn into an annual grief-fest (because I am a Drama Queen and that’s how I roll) and turn it into a positive day so I talked Will into letting our anniversary share the day.

Today is Will’s and my fourth anniversary.  We won’t do any sort of big celebration until later in the week because we are stil in recovery mode from the holiday hoopla (which I will explain in a different post) and because Will had to work today.  Still though, I don’t need dinner out or a day curled up on the couch to remind me that I have a pretty great life.  Every day I look at my little family and know that I am lucky and every day I am thankful for the life that Will and I have built and will continue to build hopefully for a really long time.

I miss my Abbott.  I will always miss Abbott, but it’s hard not to be grateful when this is how your world looks: