These are just a few of the things I’ve said to the cat today:

“Wow… I’m…I’m pretty sure I didn’t want you to eat whatever that was.”

“Don’t look at me like that! I just wanted you to stop licking the metal thingie!”

“You’re so cute, you’re such a good ki-Eulgghh.  At least aim it away from my face!”

“Are you comfortable goofy butt? Because you’re kind of hurting my toes.”

“Poppy, I need to hug some–at least let me finish the sentence you furry craphead!”

“This isn’t kitty food.  Retract paw.  Reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetraaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaact paw. Good kitty. Now get your tail out of my nose.”

“Knock it off. Off. Knock it. Knock it off! Stop! Stop it! Stooooooooooooop! Knock it off kitty!” [CRASH] “That is not what I meant.”

“Perhaps…if you’re going to eat something that makes you….do that, you could……do that in the other room?”

“Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow. Poppy why do you only love on me when loving on me hurts?”

“hahahahahahaha owwww.  Thank you, but that sucked.”

“My boob is not a step stool!”