1.  Make sure that you shower really really well before you leave the house.

2.  Don’t forget the deodorant!

3.  Take a book to read in the waiting room.

4.  Wear super warm socks.

5. Wear as few layers of clothing as possible.

It should be noted that I made sure to follow three of the five suggestions here.  I was squeaky clean, deodorized and armed with the Best Non-Required Reading of 2007 when I left the house today.  I? was also wearing kind of cruddy socks and about three layers of clothing.  Oh yeah, under my coat I had on a thermal shirt, a turtle neck, and a sweater–as well as thermal pants and jeans.  And that is how, when my doctor came back in after the exam, she found me hopping around on one leg, with both arms shoved into my jeans (one going in from the waist down, one going in from the foot up)–which were on both legs but down around my knees)–because one leg of my thermal pants got all bunched up when I was trying to shove myself back into my clothes.

At least she didn’t come back in while I was bent over and trying to figure out why I couldn’t pull up my underwear properly and it turned out that somehow, in my haste, I had managed to twist them around and put them on halfway upside down (the right leg went through just fine, the left leg entered through the leg hole and was coming out through the waistband).  Next time I am so wearing a dress to my appointment.  It’ll be so much easier!

I have to say, though, that I’ll take a little bit of personal embarrassment over the painful exam I had last year.  Last year I learned what other women meant when they said “my vagina is in a bad mood today.”  This appointment was wholly uneventful and it only took about fifteen minutes to take care of everything.  I also really liked the woman who did the exam (last year’s doctor was at least two years younger than me).  She was friendly, answered all of my questions and even went to look up an answer when she couldn’t remember the answer (for the record, I was asking a general medical question, not a woman doctor kind of question).

Still though: even if it’s only 35 degrees out (like this morning) and you are walking to your appointment (like I was)–don’t pile on the layers! I was a vaudeville sketch trying to happen.