Everybody knows that it is never a good idea to go grocery shopping when you are really hungry.  Do you know what the other half of that rule should be? Don't go shopping when you are really full!  Last night, after the debate, Will and I went to dinner and then hit WinCo for groceries (oh yes, it was a steamy date night!).  Do you know what happens when you go shopping after you've eaten too much?  Everything looks disgusting.  So you actually end up making two grocery runs, the second one being for all of the things you forgot or skipped because you just wanted to get the hell out of the store and away from all of the edible stuff!

In addition to the food we bought last night we also bought this month's copy of Portland Bride and Groom. Yes, almost four complete months after getting engaged we finally broke down and bought a wedding related periodical.  I bought a Bridal Guide and Wedding Planner a couple of months ago and have flipped through them, but somehow buying the magazine makes the onset of planning feel even more real.  I'm not sure who was greener, me or Will.

The thing is, I am really looking forward to getting married and being married.  Even now, it is hard not to call Will my husband (which is kind of tempting fate and makes me really nervous).  I'm looking forward to the legal beginning of that life together.  But the whole planning a wedding thing? Makes me incredibly nervous.  Everyone I know tells me to plan the wedding I want to have–the one that is right for Will and I and not to worry about what anybody else wants or thinks we should do and, well, have you met me? I am all about "no, what do you want?"  I know which details are the most important (for me) and I know a few things that I definitely do not want.  After that my usual reaction is a shrug and an "I don't know…maybe?"

This shrug? Has led a few people to feel like they should be my guide.  And while I am happy that people want to help, the suggestions I am being given? Are all for things they would want at their weddings, not taking into consideration anything I've already said I know I want.  For example, even after I declared that I want my wedding ceremony to take place indoors, one friend keeps telling me about all of these great outdoor locations.  And even though we've been telling people that the one of the wedding details we are sure of is that the wedding will happen somewhere in the PDX area, people keep suggesting these areas super far away.

I don't want to turn into Bridezilla or anything like that, but part of the whole "no what do you want?"ness that makes me me includes a way bigger than healthy dose of crippling guilt that accompanies the decision to not do what someone else wants.  I have a feeling that this process is going to make me the single hand that will keep the Tums company in business.

Commiserations?