The good thing about Blog 365 was that it forced me to post every day, rain or shine, no matter what. The bad thing about Blog 365 was that, a lot of the time, when I couldn't think of anything to write about, I'd just toss some crappy nothing post up and call it good. Today I'm not sure which is better, the something even if its crap approach or the waiting until I have something to write about approach.

The thing is, I have plenty to write about and plenty to share but I am hesitant to do it. You see, there is something that is stressing me out and when something stresses me out I am far more likely to clam up about it than to just do the verbal diarrhea thing where I just say everything that is bugging me. This? comes from a deep infested fear of "if I talk about it I might make it worse."

So, yeah, something is eating at me, but I'm probably not going to talk about it until it's done.

Also, I've been pretty busy with work which is awesome–but it makes me tunnel visioned. My day goes sort of like this: wake up, shower, workity workity workity workity, fall onto couch to zone out in front of tube because brain no longer can think properly. At some point think "I should blog" and then give in to the massive brain seizure that comes from a panicked brain trying to tell you "I cannot think ANYMORE TODAY THANK YOU VERY MUCH." and then go back to watching television. Still though, I am proud of being busy. Being busy means I can pay my rent!

Also also, how is it only Thursday? Shouldn't it be Friday by now?

Will leaves tonight for a long weekend of WoWness with his WoW buddies who are all gathering over in Bend. People are coming from out of state for this guild get-to-gether but Will insists that it is not a mini-convention for WoW geeks. While he is gone I think that I will curl up with West Wing and some popcorn. To be honest, I'm not really in a West Wingy place right now, but it is a good standby for those times when I want to just zone in front of the television and when I don't want to go out and spend money renting stuff. Either way, this weekend Will and I will both be getting our respective geekiness on.

I am behind.  Not in an "oh my god I can't pay my bills way" (regain your breathing mother, my finances are fine) but in an "I have work to do so I'm going to let my personal life and housekeeping slide" kind of way.  I have much comments to respond to, an apartment to clean and a fiance to bother incessantly because he leaves on Thursday for a four day trip and that is just too long to not have him in the house making noise and messes. Also, the blog posting here? I could kick it up a notch.

This weekend we ended up not going to "buzzfest" or whatever its called…not because we didn't want to.  Not because we weren't up and dressed and ready to go on time.  Not because we weren't figuring out the best way to get cash for train tickets and Voodoo Doughnuts and not because we hadn't resigned ourselves to wandering around a beer festival all afternoon in the heat…but because our friend flaked.  Well, technically, he didn't flake–his other friend got sick and couldn't go so he decided to go on Sunday instead.  He did not, however, tell us that there would definitely be no beer-agogo until late that evening and by which time we had already decided to "screw this" and gone to Best Buy to buy the 3rd season of Lost on DVD (because it would be cheaper than renting it.  For serious. What kind of a society do we live in?) and had changed into pajamas.

This is not new behavior for our friend who has been known to cancel plans and then remember six hours later "oh crap, I forgot to let them know." and then call.  But, you know how it goes.  You move away, don't see someone for almost a year and forget how pretty much the best way to hang out with him is to call him thirty seconds before you leave and ask him to come along to somewhere you already planned to be.

I say this, of course, with all of the affection in the world.  Because he might be reading.  He is after all, one of maybe….one of Will's gang of compadres who does not bury himself in World of Warcraft whenever he is not sleeping or working.

That said, Will actually watched Lost with me.  Okay, sure, he played his Nintendo DS at the same time (god forbid he not be gaming) but we sat on the couch together and he asked questions about who the characters were and had some commentary about the story line and I even absolutely kicked his ass when he tried to do that whole "I'm so much smarter than the writers of this show" thing that sometimes people do.   Our exchange went something like this:

"Pfffft.  The writers on this show are so dumb!  There's no way a satellite dish could beam signals out!  Satellites receive information!" (said, of course, in a voice dripping with condescention)

"Satellite dishes can send information too…."

"No, Satellite dishes don't send information.  They receive information.  From the satellites orbiting the earth."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Are you really really sure?"

"I am positive.  I'm so positive I'd be willing to bet serious money on it."

"Okay but then….how to do the satellites orbiting the earth…..get the information to send out to the satellite dishes?"

"……………………………"[eyes looking all over the room for any way to tell me how my question can be answered with him still being right] "…………………………………………………………………..touche."

Good thing he didn't actually bet me any serious money on it!

Today–sat on couch watching Bones on DVD because my internet connection was being a skanky tease.

Tomorrow–Beerapalooza (or whatever its called)!  Yeah, okay, I don't drink but I guess they have a Root Beer Garden for those of us who choose to spend the day not inebriated.

A couple of weeks ago I talked a little bit about a couple of our friends who were going through some marital difficulties.  Things are starting to look up for them, which makes me really happy.  I'll admit that Will and I are better friends with the Husband but I really hope that things work out between them.

The Husband Friend is actually in town this weekend, which is the reason we're going to Drunkenness-agogo, he isn't staying with us (pffft, apparently a queen sized bed wins out over our very comfy couch.  Whatever!) but we took him out for dinner tonight at the Skyline Cafe (Diner?) and then came back here to hang out and talk.  This guy is one of my favorite friends of Will's mainly because he's one of the few who will (and who likes to) talk about things besides video games.  While Will has plenty of nice friends, most of their conversations are based around WoW and…you know…mind numbingly boring.  This friend, though, is a big fan of movies and even admits to having a man-crush on Christian Bale (always a plus in my book).  I'm glad that we get to hang out with him for a while, even if it is just for a couple of days.

I am proud to say that I kept the television set off all day today–until about 8:30 PM.

That? Is a looooooooooooooong time in the quiet.  And it was just a tiny bit unnerving after about, oh, 10:15 this morning.

We all know about my addiction to television.  If you've been reading me for a while you are probably a little bit worried about my television addiction and the way it could influence my behavior in the real world (seriously? Why is there no underlying score playing against my every move? How else will the rest of the world know what I am feeling?).  And, you know, I know that we joke and laugh about how I should take this television addiction and do something productive with it like, write a book or start a television centric blog.  For starters I actually do contribute to a television blog on a regular basis–but, and this is sad, it isn't anything I'd link to here.  Oh I'm happy to be a part of the company that runs the blog and all but because I'm supposed to be quasi-professional, I'm not as opinionated over there as I am here and you know, this is coming dangerously close to breaking the "don't talk about work on your personal blog" rule.

Where was I?

Oh yes.  The television addiction.  Maybe I should call it the television Addiction because today I realized just how unruly it has gotten.  Check it out:

Today Will came home for lunch and we actually ate lunch together at the table.  Of course, we didn't talk much because Will was playing a Final Fantasy game on his Nintendo DS and I was reading a book.  You would think that, because our attentions were focused elsewhere, the house would be quiet but no.  You silly reader, you underestimate me.  The television? It was on. While neither of us were watching it.  Because I'm so used to its background noise that I forget that it is there.  Lately I've left the television on while showering, reading a book and once when I went to the store.

Yeah.  That's not so good.  My poor electric bill.

Here is the thing: Television? It is my drug.  I fully admit it.  It is my escape.  It is how I choose to amuse myself during my free time.  I love discovering new television shows and I have very definite opinions about what I will and what I will not watch.  America's Next Top Model? Yes.  What'sherfaceonMTV's Shot at Love? No.  I have enough useless television knowledge up in my head that I could, plausibly, single-handedly write a Leonard Maltin-esque guide to television.  I'm a little bit proud of this, and at the same time I know when it is time to admit that I have gone 'round the bend (look Ma! I'm growing!).

The thing is? I don't mind the quiet.  In fact, I kind of like the quiet.  It's easier to think when it's quiet and to really focus on my work (okay, duh, but you know what I mean).  It's relaxing and peaceful.  And I often miss it in the evenings when, between Will and I, we have four separate electricity hogging boxes all chiming away with television shows, WoW, instant messengers and e-mail notifications and I know that even if I turned off my laptop and the television set? The apartment would still be noisy.

Tomorrow I want to try having quiet all morning long.  I have to get up at eight.  I predict that I will last until roughly 10:30 (a half an hour after Will has left for work) before I switch on the television set simply out of habit.  I'm hoping that I have the sense to remember "Oh yeah! Trying something new!" and turn it back off.

Want some irony?  I wrote this blog post while waiting for Monday's episode of The Closer to download into my Tivo from Amazon.  Yeah.  Addiction.  It's what's for dinner.

Every month, right before the irritation ridden angst fest that is my PMS, I go through a few days of absolute space cadetiness.  I have been known to open the refrigerator because there are dishes in the sink that need to be washed.  I'll walk into the bedroom because I feel hungry.  I will sit down to watch television and before I know it, a half an hour has passed and I still have the remote in my hand, but the television has not been turned on.  During these few days it is not unlikely to ask me a question and then have to wait a very very long time for me to say "what?" because I've only just registered that you were talking to me.

Lucky for me, this month, those days started on the weekend–a weekend in which I didn't have a lot of work to do so I could just zone out.  I spent Saturday lying on the couch watching Bones (yay Netflix) and then, yesterday I started watching the second season of Lost (woo Hollywood Video).  Of course because Lost is what it is, I rushed through today's work so that I could keep watching and I am still not finished. Viva la tomorrow night when I'll use it to unwind from baby-sitting.

I had thought about writing about my Batman/Christian Bale viewing experience but I think that will keep for a few days.

On Tuesday I baby-sat longer than usual for my friend Wendy's daughter and as a thank you she sent me home with some peanut butter brownies.

Because of this week's much heavier than usual work load (for which I am eternally grateful), I've kind of let the housekeeping go.  I think the last time I wiped down our kitchen table was…last Friday? Maybe Saturday morning? And since then, many many things have passed over it's surface–clothes, containers, DVDs, shoes, cell phones, mail, you get the idea. The cat has even taken quite a few naps on it.  We haven't, however, done much meal eating while sitting at it (though it has been used as a resting place for sandwiches and plates containing food).

Last night I sat down at the kitchen table to eat some one of the brownies that Wendy sent home with me.  I'd been keeping them in the refrigerator to keep the peanut butter icing from sliding off and they'd become a tiny bit crumbly.  I? Cannot let any part of a brownie go to waste.  So, after finishing the brownie, I brushed my hand across the table to get the brownie crumbs, tossed them in my mouth and said…

"Wow. Okay, that wasn't from a peanut butter brownie… I really hope that was actually food."

Don't you so want to come over to my house right now?

She's a couple of days early but Distracto Girl is officially in the hiz-ouse.  Good thing I only have two projects left for the week, eh?

I'm off to stare at walls…

I've sat here for over an hour trying to come up with a blog post but all I can think of is how much I want to go to Wendy's (the fast food joint not my friend's house) and get a hamburger.  I feel like I'm back in college with the midnight fast food cravings and the total not caring about leaving the house in my pajamas.  When I suggested it to Will and he said "but you're in your pajamas!" I said "that's why we'd hit the drive thru!" (moral dilemma: I know it's actually spelled "through" but when the sign at the restaurant says "thru" how do you write it on your blog?)

Then I realized that if I actually ate a hamburger right before going to bed I'd probably have some pretty funky dreams.  Today I fell off of my two-day-long "stay awake in the morning" wagon and went back to bed after Will left for work.  Tomorrow, though, has to be a "stay awake" day because I have a crap load of stuff to do.  Of course, I had a crap load of stuff to do today and it all got done, but I wasn't trying to shove that crap load of stuff into the "finished" pile while also trying to do laundry.

I'm kind of dreading tomorrow.

I really want that burger.  But I also really don't want another dream featuring Geraldo.  Maybe I should have some cereal instead.

I sat down at nine o'clock to write a post about my tunnel vision when I have a lot of projects due and then I spent the last two and a half hours playing around with my site and iTunes.  Apparently tonight, the tunnel vision, I don't has it.

Incidentally,

I know that I shouldn't care about things like page rank and whatever, but part of me kind of does and I was really pissed off last year when my page rank dropped down to a three.  In the long run, who cares, but… I kind of do.  I deleted a lot of plug-ins and stuff last summer when a certain friend or two kept telling me that my site was taking too long to load on their computers.  Seriously–I was bending over backward trying to get rid of sidebar items, switching stat counters, everything I could think of and you know what?  None of it helped.  So back up it goes!  Hello my old sitemappy thing!  I don't know what you do exactly but I've been assured by folks (Google haters btw) that you are necessary to my internet survival.  Hello Google analytics!  You are further proof that Google is on its way to turning into Microsoft and trying to rule the content of the internet, but apparently if I don't let you crawl my site, I'm borked as far as attracting random readers!

Hey, you know? I've gotten wayyyy too many random visitors by way of google searches for "pizza plants."  I feel really sorry for these people because I too wish pizza grew on plants and I imagine they are sorely disappointed when they show up here instead of a gardening site.

Further,

Under normal circumstances I love my iTunes.  I know that there are people who hate iTunes and I understand why (it is annoying that iTunes downloads can only be played on iPlayers and that mp3s need to be converted to iFormats to play on iPlayers) but for the most part, I don't care about all of that brou-ha-ha.  What I do care about is being able to sort through my music in a semi-understandable fashion and being able to play an album in order.  There are a lot of albums in my library that had to have their own playlists created just so I wouldn't hear the thing in some random iTunes designated (crappy by the way) order.  And don't get me started on the whole each collaboration getting its own album artwork thing in the scroller setting (or whatever its called).

Finally,

my whole "going back to bed" habit is in the starting stages of being kicked.  This isn't really because of any conscious effort to stay up.  It's because yesterday was all drama filled and today was a baby-sitting day.  I wonder if I'll be able to stay up tomorrow on purpose.  I get tired, but I can tell you it makes it a lot easier to go to sleep at night!

I know. But sometimes the obvious has to be stated.